Tuesday, April 15, 2008

How I Got Here

Well, I set up this blog a while ago thinking that it will be my place to post hobby/home related posts, but as yet I have not written a word. I'm not sure what to do with this space, or really why I want a new space when I already have a journal that I've kept off and on (lately more off than on) since 2000. Back then I was documenting my journey through infertility and eventually parenthood. While parenthood is on-going, other aspects of my life are starting to take a more prominent position -- the focus is more on school, PTA, activities, and my personal hobbies. This is a good thing. That's not to say that the pain of infertility is gone or that thinking about it doesn't still bring back those sad and difficult times, but the pain has dulled and shifted to the back of my consciousness while new experiences and goals have grown to take its place in the forefront of my mind.

To be honest, there was a time I never thought that would be possible. I remember other people saying much the same thing and not understanding it or believing it could/would happen. I'm here to tell those of you who have struggled with infertility and won that battle, that it can and does. It would be much too glib to say "Life goes on" and yet to a degree it's true. However, life may go on, but the person you are has forever been changed. I'm sure it must be a similar experience as losing someone close to you or having survived a serious illness or tragic event. A part of you has forever been altered. Your heart has been scarred. Oppositely, you find joy in things you might never have noticed before. You appreciate even things more. You notice and take pleasure in moments of which others might not even be aware.

It is for that reason my home is so important to me. Before children my home seemed like an empty shell, or maybe it was me who felt that way, but now it is a place that shelters, envelops and embraces my family. My home is my haven. I take joy in seeing my home filled with all accoutrements that children bring with them, even if they often litter the floor, much to my frustration. My time seems more limited now than it ever was, and I'm sure that it will only become more so as my children grow. I try to focus on that and take the time to appreciate all that I have and find joy in even the small things.

So welcome to my home. Heidi @ Home